May 1st

Hello friends!

Today is my birthday. I hope that means you will forgive my absence. I completely missed blogging during my thirty-second year of life. It wasn’t planned but the days happened and here we are now. Garrett woke me up this morning singing, “I’m feeling thirty-three” and it does have a nice ring to it, don’t you think? I am sitting here in my sweatpants with a delicious cup of coffee and an outlandishly beautiful bouquet of flowers from my true love. He thoughtfully brought them home to me last night so I could enjoy them today.

The day feels quite luxurious because I am off work for no other reason than the fact that it’s my birthday. I have a friend here who talks about taking time to “reflect” and also “getting herself together” and I often find myself saying and thinking the same. It really is brilliant. A gentle reminder to take care of yourself and be responsible for your own well being. After all, it’s no one else’s responsibility but our own.

Four years of Garrett reminding me to be kind to myself has finally started to take root and go deep. I try to always keep in mind that I can’t show grace to others that I don’t already show to myself. All you can give is what you’ve got. So eloquent, I know.  I am not sure where I had adopted the backwards way of thinking that boundaries and health and self care where somehow selfish. It won’t be the first time this has been said, but I really think growing is often the effort of unlearning bad habits. Maybe the work of establishing this trinity is never done. Seasons change and there are new ways to see and even more to be undone. Left unchecked, all I want to do is race to the finish line. Wouldn’t that be a shame? There is so much goodness in the present.

Next month will mark our two year NOLAversary, what a notion. Two trips around the sun in this fabulous city. We were meant to be here. There is a comfort in knowing this on the hard days in life. Sometimes all I want to be able to do is walk in the back door to my parents kitchen. Yet, all it takes is stepping out onto the street for me to be reminded all over again that I am where I belong. The uneven pavement on the sidewalks, the colors, the buildings, the stories happening all at once float past and I can’t ever imagine leaving her.

As a kid I probably would have told you that by my 30’s I would know a lot and I would have a couple of kids. It sounds very adultish, right? Today I find myself not knowing a lot and being inspired by this. I had this idea last year about becoming a little more curious each and every day. It’s a little seedling coming along right next to bravery and learning. They all seem to go together quite nicely. A little pack of explosives that just need a spark. Now, let’s talk about kids for a minute. People often ask and I happily answer, “not yet.” A beautiful friend of mine told me something life changing a few weeks ago. I wish I could put it as lovely as she did, but I will do my best. She told me they had to wait for the perfect timing of their son because anytime before or after he would have been someone else. Think about that for a minute. It takes my breath away. It seemed selfish not to share such a beautiful perspective. There is a lot I don’t know, but one thing for certain that I have learned it this. Waiting for good gifts is always worth every single moment of the inhale.

Thirty-three, I like you already.